My Reason is You
by Val.R
Summary: Santana runs away from an abusive husband to the other side of the country. With a new identity and newly found freedom, she tries to find herself. But instead finds a beautiful blonde. She struggles to deal with her past and its affect on her new future.
1. Chapter 1

Carefully she stepped down the marble steps of the stairs, a couple more feet and she'd have her freedom. A couple more feet and she'd no longer have to deal with him. A couple more steps and she could breath easily. Using only the moonlight that was coming through the skylight above the foyer, she quietly unlocked the door, grateful that her bastard husband hadn't activated the alarm in his drunken haze. She stepped out and swiftly turned around pulling the door knob and shutting the door so it wouldn't make a sound.

She ran down the steps of the house and never looked back. She gripped the strap of her duffel bag and walked away from it all. From the luxury, from the money, from the husband. From the life she condemned herself to have. Keeping her head down, she walked a couple blocks and found the bicycle she had hidden a couple days earlier and mounted it. Making sure her bag was securely strapped to her back, she peddled her way to the bus station.

The sun had just begun to rise and for the first time since she was 17, Santana let herself enjoy the day. She basked in its warmth and welcomed the fresh morning breeze. Her thighs burned from peddling and her lungs were on fire but when she saw the bus station coming up, she didn't feel a damn thing except relief.

She set the bicycle aside and pulled out her one way ticket to Maine from her bag. She had never been to Maine but it was the farthest away from this life as she could get. Santana made her way towards the line of buses looking for hers. She kept her head down and made sure her hood was covering her face as much as possible. She wasn't free yet. She had to be careful. Finally she spotted her bus. She made her way toward it and showed the driver her ticket, making as little eye-contact as possible. The more eye-contact she made, the more likely someone would recognize her.

After she had gotten the okay from the gentleman, she hopped on the bus and made her way to the back. She chose the spot near the window. She slumped down in her seat and held on to her bag for dear life. She clutched onto the bag hoping to channel her anxiety. The only things she had to call her own were in that bag. That bag was the only thing from her past life she chose to bring, the bare necessities.

The driver announced they would be departing in 15 minutes. These were 15 minutes were nothing compared to the last seven years. She was only 15 minutes away from freedom. Slowly the rest of the passengers settled in. There were a lot more than she'd thought there would be. More of a crowd to blend in with but more eyes to recognize her. She pulled her hood down some more and clenched her hand around the bag tighter.

As they pulled out of the bus depot, it finally hit her: she was leaving San Francisco. There was no turning back and racing back before he woke up. There was no stopping her. She was scared of moving across the country by herself but she was more terrified of him. She never knew which punch would be her last.

After a few hours, she saw a sign that thanked her for visiting California and another that welcomed her to Nevada. In a day's time, she'd be in her new home. She saw the entire country through her window and her thoughts drifting back to when she first met Noah.

They both went to high school together, she was a cheerleader and he was a jock, Noah Puckerman. They started dating freshman year, they even lost their virginities to each other. Soon after that, Noah started sleeping around behind her back but Santana didn't care. She started hiding her own secret. She would accept the burden of a cheating boyfriend because she needed to keep herself hidden; she needed him so no one would know she was a lesbian. Then a new transfer from Carmel high, changed everything for her. She had fallen in love. Her new best friend became her secret love. One day after practice, her new love kissed in front of their lockers. Santana didn't even get a chance to kiss back before her boyfriend yanked her back by her hair. That was the first time he hit her. Noah threatened to out her, to her parents, to her friends. Everyone. She couldn't have her parents knowing that she was seen kissing a girl. No matter how much she'd deny it, she knew what she really was and it would only be a matter of time before they'd figure it out. So, she stayed with him. She stayed with him all through college. She became the perfect housewife to keep him content and to keep her parents happy. She put up with the beatings and the yellings and the drunken attempts to force himself on her. She put up with it for seven years. Until she couldn't take it anymore.

Before she had knew it, she was in Maine. She stepped off that bus a new woman. No longer was she Santana Puckerman. According to the new set of identification she paid for in San Francisco, she was Gabriela Hernandez.

New town, new state, she didn't know a soul. She needed a moment to digest everything. She didn't plan this far ahead. She didn't think she'd actually make it this far. She waited until everyone was off the bus before she got off. She walked over to the benches, setting her bag in her lap. She closed her eyes and groaned, feeling the after-math of being cooped up in the bus for so long.

"Hey, lady. Are you all right?" She felt a poke to her cheek. She opened her eyes to see a little girl with her dirty blonde hair in pigtails staring at her. Her hazel eyes narrowed in suspicion. "Are you alive? You haven't moved and you've been sitting there for hours." the little girl said as she emphasized the 'hours.'

The little blonde girl's innocence brought a smile to her face. She was reminded that not everything in the world was horrible; not everything revolved around her husband. "No, I'm not dead. Just thinking. Thank you for making sure though. I do appreciate it, little lady." she booped the little girl's nose, making her smile.

"My name is Rebecca Fabray. My mommy says I shouldn't talk to strangers because they're dangerous but you're too pretty to be dangerous. And now you know my name and if you tell me yours, we won't be strangers." the little girl, now named Rebecca, stuck out her tiny hand for Santana to shake.

Now was her chance to reinvent herself, to give herself a new life. She felt a little guilty lying to Rebecca but she had no choice. She shook the girl's hand, "Hi, Miss Fabray. I'm Gabriela. Nice to meet you."

"Becca!" Santana heard a woman's voice from the other side of the yard.

"That's my mommy. I guess she's looking for me." Rebecca shrugged in mild annoyance. Santana couldn't help but to smile at this little girl's antics.

"Becca!" Santana heard closer. She looked up to see a frazzled blonde woman stepping closer to them. "Becca, what did I tell you about sneaking off like that? You could've been hurt!" The blonde woman grabs Becca's shoulders and inspects her making sure making she was all right.

Santana didn't know what to do so she just sat there looking at the mother and daughter, in awe and maybe a bit of jealously. She wonders if maybe her mother had been as nurturing as this woman is to little Rebecca, if she'd be a battered woman on the run.

"Mommy, this is my new friend, Gabriela. Isn't she pretty? Her hair is super pretty!" Becca gushed over her new friend, bringing Santana out of her thoughts and making her blush a little. She hadn't had anyone sincerely compliment her looks in over seven years. She wasn't supposed to leave the house by herself. When she did leave, she was with Noah and no one dared speak to her in his presence.

"Hi, Quinn Fabray." The woman introduced herself as she stood behind Becca, holding her shoulders. "I apologize for my daughter's forwardness, she gets that from her mom."

The little girl emphatically nodded, "I sure do!"

Santana stood up to shake Quinn's hand, "No problem, it was quite refreshing actually. It was quite the break I needed from the past day. The past couple of years actually." Santana trailed off. "Gabriela Hernandez. Nice to meet both of you."

"It was nice meeting you but I gotta get this one here over to her mom's so I can go to work. If you're ever in Westchester, look us up. Bye, Gabriela."

"Bye, Gabriela! See you around."

Santana waved back. That wasn't that bad. She could do this, she could meet knew people and start again. She looked around and spotted a kiosk with maps. She looked the one posted behind the glass. Her eye caught the name Westchester. She didn't have any idea where else to go so she figured why not head there. Surely she could find an apartment and a job. She decided, she was going to live in Westchester. She picked a cab up from in of front the depot and instructed the driver to Westchester. It wasn't that far away according to the driver.

"So, are you visiting? Maine is an odd place to vacation for summer. Usually you college kids go to Florida or Mexico." the cab driver asks over the music on the classic rock on the radio.

"I'm a little too old to be a college kid but thanks for the compliment. No, I just needed a change of pace. I needed something new. I do love some fresh lobsters so why not Maine?" Santana lightly joked.

"Well, Westchester is a great little town. Nice people. Everyone likes it there. Where would you like me to drop you off?" The driver looks back at her through the rear-view mirror.

Santana shrinks a little in her seat feeling uncomfortable under his gaze. "I have no idea. But I could kill for some coffee. Is there a coffee house or diner?"

"I know just the place."

The rest of the drive, Santana looked out the window at all the greenery. She found solace in the beauty of the nature surrounding her. She felt at peace. She no longer had to worry about being the perfect housewife with for fear of getting hit. No more covering bruises with make up. No more living in fear. No more living with regret. No more. She could see the makings of a town getting closer. She could see all the kids on the sidewalk playing, the quaint shops, and the beautiful homes. She could see herself being at peace in a place like this; she could feel herself being happy.

"Just two more towns and we're there." the cab driver announced.

"All right, thanks." Santana closed her eyes for a little bit. She really couldn't get over how peaceful she felt. There was no paranoia, no fear, no shame.

An hour later, they were pulling up in front of a diner.

"Here we are. The fare comes out to $56.30." Santana pulled out some bills and handed it to the driver.

"Good luck, miss." the driver said before she got out.

"Thanks. Drive safe." she stood in front of the diner. She looked up and saw "Evan's Diner" in lights above the entrance. She inhaled and pulled open the door. She was instantly met with a little, old lady in a typical diner uniform.

"Hi, welcome to Evan's. Just you, sweetie?" The lady asked, her voice being the epitome of sweet.

"Yes, ma'am. Just me."

"Do you want a booth or do you want to sit at the counter?"

"May have a booth, please? Unless, that'd be a problem. I, uh, I wouldn't want to take up too much space." She inwardly chides herself for being so awkward. She reminds herself that he won't find her here. He can't.

"A little ol' thing like you, not at all. Come with me." the little lady put her hand on Santana's arms causing her to instinctively pull her arm back. The woman noticed and brought back her hand. "I'm sorry, honey. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable."

Santana looked down and wrapped her arm around herself. She was embarrassed that she reacted like that. She knew no one could hurt her anymore but she reacted out of instinct. "It's fine."

"Okay, here you are. Sam will be here in a sec. I'm sorry, hun." she offered an apologetically nod and placed the menu on the table.

Santana set her bag down and sat down. She wasn't really hungry, she chalked it up to nerves, but figured she shouldn't drink coffee on an empty stomach.

"Good morning, thanks for coming today. My name is Sam. Sam I am. And I don't like green eggs and hams. What can I get for you?" a tall blonde man asked Santana.

"Could I just have some pancakes and a coffee. Black. Please?"

"Do you want regular ol' pancakes or like blueberry or chocolate chip? My little sister loves those." Sam asked.

Noah didn't like it when she ate too many carbs. He expected her to maintain her physique.

"You know what? Can I get the chocolate chip pancakes, like five of them, with scrambled eggs and bacon? Like an huge helping of bacon? Like an entire plate's worth? And a milkshake. And if you have any breadsticks that would be fantastic." she finished listing off her foods. She didn't need to look a certain way to meet his standards anymore, she was going to eat whatever she wanted to eat.

Her order left Sam speechless. "Um, you're going to eat all of that?"

"Yes, is there something wrong with that?" Santana ducked her head, she knew she shouldn't have asked for all of that. "I can just stick t–"

"No, I was just surprised. Usually pretty girls like you stick to salads. It's refreshing to see a little ladies like you to have a nice appetite. Only Brittany eats like that, boy, can she put it away. Don't worry, I'll make sure you get your feast." Sam assured with a wink before walking away.

Santana felt relief as she received positive praise for her hearty appetite. She figured she could eat and then check into an inn or motel so she could find something for rent or something more long-term. She had enough money to hold her over a while but she didn't want to dig too deep into it. She graduated with a bachelors in accounting but never needed to use it. Noah didn't want her working. According to him, she was only good for two things, cleaning and fucking. She ducked her head in shame. She spent seven years with him, she let him do those things to her for seven years. Seven years too long.

She looked up as she heard a plate being set on the table. "Heeere we are." Sam announced as he set the plate of only bacon down, followed by the eggs.

"Oh, that was fast." she licked her lips. She wasn't too hungry but she could stand to eat.

"I had them rush it. You seemed really enthused to eat and I haven't seen you here before so I figured I had to make a good impression." Sam blushed a bit as he told Santana.

"Well, I've never been here before but I plan to move here." Santana unwrapped her utensils and dug into her eggs.

"Really?" Sam asked as he motioned to the open seat in front of her, silently asking her if he could sit. Santana nodded but slid farther back into the booth adding to the distance between them. "Usually people are trying to move away from here, not move here. Do you know anyone here?"

Santana put down her fork and wiped her mouth with a napkin. "Nope. I actually never heard of this place until I got off the bus this morning. I met a lady and her daughter and she mentioned this town and I figured why not?" she shrugged as she took a sip of her coffee. "Wow, that's good coffee."

"Wow, that's brave." Sam said in awe. "You just randomly chose a place to live. Brave."

Santana blushed at another compliment. It was only her first day away and she had already received more compliments from strangers than she did from her husband. She finished chewing the piece of bacon, "Thanks."

"I know this is forward, but I finish my shift in a few and I figured you need a guide. Like, someone to show you around." Sam quietly asked as he reached for a packet of sugar to play with.

"Are you hitting on me?" Santana bluntly asked.

Sam instantly reddened and looked away. "You're very pretty and we don't get a lot of people around here and you eat like a guy so..." he quietly finished.

"I like girls." Santana blurted out. She's never said that to anyone before and the first person she's says it to is a stranger. She drops her fork and leans back. "I've never said that out loud before." she whispers as she looks up to look at Sam. His eyes are wide with surprise.

"Wow, that kinda' sucks for me but it's also really cool. But still I assume you don't have anywhere to stay here?"

"That's it? You're not going to say anything else?" She asks in disbelief and leans a little more, "I just told you I'm gay and you have nothing to say?"

"Nope. What is there to say?" Sam shrugs his shoulders. "Wait, I don't know your name."

Santana almost answers her real name but quickly corrects it. "Gabriela Hernandez."

"Nice. Well, Gabriela, you finish your burly meal and I'll go finish up. I'll show you some apartments afterwards."

It wouldn't hurt to have someone show her around but she really wasn't ready to begin to trust someone. "Can we walk instead of drive?" She figured if anything should happen, she could just walk away instead of having to jump out of a moving vehicle.

"Sure, that sounds good. I'll see you in a bit, Gabriela." He got up and left Santana to finish her breakfast.

She finished her entire breakfast faster than she thought. She stacked all the empty plates and quickly wiped down the table with a napkin. She got up and paid the cashier. She saw Sam standing outside waving at people walking by. She steps out and greets him. He tries to pat her shoulder but Santana moves away.

"I'm sorry, I just..." she trails off not sure how to explain or even if she has to explain.

"No, it's fine." he shoves his hands in his pockets and starts walking. "Wait, do you need help with your bag? It seems almost bigger than you." he says lightly.

Truth is it was breaking Santana's back but she did not know Sam at all. She was already pushing it enough as it is. "No, it's fine. Thank you though. Where are you taking me?" Santana asks as she readjusts the strap on her shoulder.

"I don't want to assume but I don't think you'll be buying a house today?"

"No, not today. Not any time soon." she chuckled.

"Okay, cool. So I'm taking you to my apartment building. They have some apartments open. Aaand, if you say that I referred you, I get 50 bucks off the next three months worth of rent. So, if anything you're doing me a favor." He gives her a sly smile.

"Oh, you're welcome, then. But, they're not too expensive, I hope?" Automatically trying to run some numbers in her head in vain.

"No, not at all. I don't think so. Other places are fancier with gyms and stuff. We can go there, if you want."

"No! I don't want to step foot in another gym for the rest of my life." She thinks back to how Noah had a room added on to the house because he didn't want to give Santana another reason to leave the house. Another reason for someone to possibly see her bruises.

As they made their way to the apartment building, Sam told her a bit about the town. There was only one mall but it had a GameStop so it was good enough, according to Sam. His family owns the only diner in town but there were some restaurants and a bar or two. He added that one weekend of the month, one bar has a gay night, causing Santana to blush.

"I'll go with you even! I'll help you keep the ugly ladies away." Sam offered as he puffed out his chest.

Santana shook her head and said she'd think about it. There wasn't really anything else to say about the town. "Do you think anyone is hiring?" Santana was a bit excited at the prospect of earning her own money and not having to depend on anyone, especially not Noah.

"I know Rosalita's Roadhouse is looking for a bartender but I don't think you'll like it there. I think you can go to the community center to see if anyone's posted anything. I guess you could also check online but usually people here like to do everything old school for the most part. Well, here we are." Sam announced as they walked up to an apartment building. It wasn't anything special, but anything was better than where she was before. "C'mon, the landlady's office is down here. She's nice, just don't touch her. She'll try to spray you down with Lysol." Sam said in all seriousness causing Santana to bite back a laugh.

Sam led them down the hallway to the office. He opened the door for them and a tiny redhead looked up at them. "Hello, Sam! How are you?" the redhead rose to her feet and motioned to the chairs in front of her desk. "Hi, I'm Emma Pillsbury. I'm the landlady here."

"Hi, I'm Gabriela and Sam mentioned you have some available apartments." Santana sat down next to Sam.

"Sure, I have a couple if you want to see them."

"No, it's fine. I just need a one bedroom. And I can pay a couple months up front." Santana quickly said and prayed that Emma didn't ask for any background information. She wasn't sure how reliable all of her fake ID's were.

Emma was a bit taken aback at her forwardness but that wore off and immediately drew up the leasing agreements. Santana was luckily that Emma didn't run a background check or a credit score. She handed Emma a deposit and six months worth of rent in exchange for keys.

Sam offered to walk her up to her apartment. They walked down the hall to the stairs and made their way to the third floor.

"Hey, I'm just one floor below you! Now you can come visit and we'll watch HBO together!" he fist pumped the air.

Santana couldn't help but to laugh at him as they walked in front of the door with 3C on it. She unlocked the door and stepped in. It wasn't anywhere near as luxurious as her last house but she already loved it.

"Do you like it?" Sam asked as he saw Santana look around in awe.

"I fucking love it!" Santana exclaimed. " Sam, show me where the hardware store is and where I can buy home goods, please. I'll buy you some beer if you help me paint." She walked into her tiny kitchen and opened some cabinets imagining how it would look with food in it. "Oh, you know what? I will take you up on watching HBO. I just spent seven years living in a shit storm, I think I deserve to watch some risque television. I think I deserve to gawk at some women now." she walked to the only room and saw the walk-in closet. She smiled as she pictured her contents of her duffel bag in there. She grabbed some money out of her bag and walked into the living room to see Sam standing there.

"You're going to need some furniture, aren't you?" Sam asked slyly.

"I think I just need a bed. I don't really need a place to sit other than a bed. I doubt I'm going to buy a TV. I can just smooch off you." Santana explained as she walked towards the front door, "Come on, show to the store, please. When we finish painting, we'll crack open a few beers." she turned around making Sam stop short to avoid bumping into her. "You aren't busy, are you? I can't paint on my own but I like having talk to..." she looks down at the floor. She likes having Sam to talk to even though she knows she has to keep him at an arm's length away.

"No," he laughed, "I'm not busy. One of my best friends is away visiting family a couple hours away and the other is working so I don't have much to do."

"Great, I could use your height." she said as she sized him, mentally measuring him.

Sam led them towards the hardware store where he tried to get Santana to talk about herself but she became a vault. So, he ended up telling her all about him and his family. Santana surprisingly enjoyed knowing all these seemingly trivial things about Sam. Knowing that he got detention for an entire week his sophomore year in high school for refusing to speak anything other than Ewokese in his English class added some humanity to him. She doesn't think someone that even knows what Ewokese is can potentially hurt her.

When they get to the hardware store, Sam introduces her to the owner, a Will Schuester. Who apparently was having an illicit affair with her new landlady. Sam didn't say much and Santana was glad because she really did not want to imagine that lady and Will doing anything remotely sexual. Sam helped Santana pick out some paint and primer and gave her an entire lecture about the importance of priming before painting. They picked out some contact paper and most importantly, Santana picked out three additional dead bolts.

"Gab, why do you need so many locks? We live in the middle of nowhere Maine."

"Just in case." She answered. It's true. Just in case Noah finds her.

Sam just shrugged his shoulders not knowing what else to say. He told her that he'd bring over his tools to install the locks anyway. "Hey, can we pick up my truck? All these cans and stuff are heavy and we still have to stop by the store." Sam suggested as they were cashing out.

"Sure, of course. It is getting super sunny now." Santana felt a little more comfortable with Sam. Especially after she had to suffer through his Sean Connery impression montage. This guy was just not capable of hurting her. Sam ran out to get his truck. Luckily they weren't too far away from his diner so Santana didn't have to stand out in the sun for too long. Before Santana could lift a bag into the back, Sam came around to do it for her.

"Oh, such a gentleman." She rolls her eyes and jumps into the cab to wait for Sam.

"Okay, let's roll." The drive to the store wasn't too bad. The shocks on the truck seemed to be pretty worn out so it made the ride quite amusing.

In the next store, Santana got the basics. She bought a mattress, super plush, her one major splurge. She was excited to finally have a say in her home. She chose everything she wanted the way she wanted. She bought the foods she wanted and not the foods her husband wanted.

When they finished putting all the things in the truck, around the mattress, of course, Santana really thanked Sam.

"Sam, thanks. You're like the coolest guy I've met since high school. And that guy was only cool because he had a wicked cool car. So, thank you." She sincerely told him.

"Anytime, Gabby. Just don't forget about our HBO date." He said as he pulled into the apartment building. "Don't worry about the big stuff, I got it."

Santana left the big and heavy stuff to Sam, like he said. It wasn't long until Santana and Sam had set everything up, except for the painting. They decided to start painting a different day so they wouldn't get too worn out. After they finished they sat in Santana's living room, on some patio furniture Sam so graciously lent her.

"Sam, you've been really good to me today. I don't know what I would've done without you. There's not enough beer in the world to repay you for what you've done for me." It was true. Apart from what he physically did for her, he showed her that just because Noah was a horrible man, that not all men were horrible. It gave her the tiniest spark of trust in people again. Maybe because she was hundreds of miles from her husband and maybe Sam had been the first decent man to talk to her since she was 17 but she felt like she could grow to trust Sam.

"Don't worry about it. I needed more age appropriate friends anyway. And you're nice to look at so that ain't hurting either. Hopefully you and I can talk about girls because Brittany has been super busy with her studio and other dancing stuff lately. She's always on edge and doesn't do that with me anymore. She's cool, you'll like her."

"I don't know, Sam. Today was the first time I've ever said I was gay out loud. I'm not sure if I can do that yet." She looked down. She'd loved to finally express herself but she just wasn't ready yet.

"Oh, no problem. You're not going anywhere anytime soon, are you?"

"Not if I can help it." She thinks back to the one thing that could make her move: Noah.

"I hate to cut our lesbro bonding time but I have the graveyard shift so I really should get a nap in. But if you need anything, just knock on my door or you can just call me. Here, save your number" he hands her his cell phone.

"Can't. Don't have a phone."

"Oh, okay. Well, let me write down my number somewhere, just in case." Sam walks into the kitchen and writes his number on a napkin. "There." he hands the napkin to Santana as they walk to the door. "Good night, Gabriela. See you tomorrow." Sam leans into to hug Santana but remembers what happened earlier and decides to just wave instead.

"Good night, Sammy." she waves back before closing the door and locking all four locks.

She decides she's earned a hot shower before going to bed. She showers and she swears it's the best shower she's ever taken. Even if the decently sized gash on the side of her forehead stung when the water hit. She wraps one of the new towels she bought with Sam today around herself and walks to bedroom. While she's getting dressed, she catches her body in the mirror. She usually tries to avoid it because seeing the bruises he left on her body always made her feel ashamed. But this time, she saw them differently. She still felt embarrassed to have let someone use her as a punching bag for so long but now she had the satisfaction of knowing it would never happen again.

She laid down after changing into some sleeping clothes. Her sheets smelled like new but soon enough they'd smell like her and she couldn't wait. She laid right in the middle of the bed with her arms and legs spread out. She had the bed all to herself. She didn't have to isolate herself to the very edge of the bed to avoid touching anyone, she didn't have to brace herself for anyone drunkenly trying to force her to have sex. She didn't have to deal with any of that. With that for the first night in seven years, she fell asleep with a smile on her face.


	2. Chapter 2

When Santana woke up, she jumped out of bed. She didn't see Noah next to her and she didn't recognize where she was. After she caught her breath, she remembered she was in her own bedroom, in her own apartment, in Maine. She laughed as she made her way to the bathroom.

After she finished eating breakfast, she sat on her patio furniture thinking what she had to do today. She didn't have to work out, she didn't have to clean, she didn't have to cook. She didn't have to do anything. She could do what she wanted. Maybe she could walk around the town or find a pool and sun bathe. Or she could go to that bar Sam told her about and drink in the middle of the day, she could do whatever she wanted. And there was no one to tell her a damn thing about it.

She noticed a sheet of paper by her front door. She picked it up and read it.

_Gabby! It's me, Sammy! I get off work at 12:00 again today. I'll stop by later so I can show you the community center so you check the job postings and then I'll help you paint. I'll provide the brewskis this time._

_Hasta la vista, baby._

_P.S. I'll try to bring you back some breadsticks. _

Santana laughed and noticed that she had a little over three hours to kill before Sam would make an appearance. After she showered and got dressed, she set up the rest of her stuff in her room. There wasn't much but she didn't mind because she didn't need much.

She began to lay down the plastic tarps on the hardwood floors to keep it from getting dirty. She got everything ready for when Sam got there. Just when she was going to sit down, there was a knock on the door. She looked up at the clock on the wall and decided it was too early for it to be Sam.

"Who is it?" Santana called through the door, her voice slightly quivering as her anxiety began to build. She doesn't know anyone here. She looked through the peephole to see a woman and let out a breath of relief.

"Hi, I'm Tina Cohen Chang. I live next door and I thought I'd introduce myself. I brought muffins." The woman held up a basket of muffins so they could be seen through the peep hole.

Santana doesn't answer, she just unlocks all the dead bolts and opens the door. "Hi, I'm Gabriela. Um, my place isn't all that ready for company but would you like to come in? Sam hooked me up with some nice lawn chairs." She offered a timid smile. No one could hurt her. She knew no one could hurt her anymore.

"That sounds nice." Tina handed Santana the basket and followed her into the apartment.

"Do you want anything to drink? I have water and beer. Oh, and apple juice." She offered as she set the basket on the kitchen counter and grabbed a muffin.

"Water is fine." Santana motioned to the living room for Tina to sit down. When they both sat down Tina asked, "So you met Sam?"

Santana finished chewing before answering. "Yup, these are delicious by the way." She enthusiastically nodded. "I just got here yesterday and he was my server at the diner. He offered to show me around. He'll be here later to help me paint." She pointed to all of the painting supplies surrounding them.

"Yeah, that sounds like Sam. Have you met anyone else here?"

"Well, there's you and the Ms. Pillsbury. Oh, and at the bus station I met a Quinn Fabray and her daughter. But that's it."

"Oh, Quinn. You're bound to meet her sooner or later. She's like the deputy mayor and she and her wife are on like every committee there is around."

"Yeah, that makes sense. She did seem like the type to be in charge. Their daughter is adorable." She smiled as she thought back to Becca poking her to see if she was still alive.

"Do you have any kids?"

"No, thank God I don't." Santana quickly says earning her a curious look from Tina. "No, it's not that I don't like kids, I just..." Santana deliberates on whether she should she was married to an awful man. "I stupidly got married straight out of high school. So it's never been a matter of not wanting them, it's always been that I shouldn't."

"I'm sorry." Tina puts a comforting hand on Santana's lap. She flinches, and Tina notices and pulls back her hand. "How long were you married for?" Tina hesitatingly asks.

"Seven years." Santana drops her head a little in embarrassment. Seven years too long.

Tina picks up on Santana's discomfort and changes subjects, "So what do you do?"

"Nothing, I was a 'trophy wife' so I never had to do anything. Four years of accounting in college for nothing." she scoffs.

Tina perks up at that response. "Wait, accounting?"

"Yeah..." Santana was a bit confused at Tina's enthusiasm. No one ever likes accountants.

"That's perfect. I mean, you just got here so you don't have a job, right? Do you need a job?"

"Yes, I do. Are you hiring?"

"No, I'm not but Brittany is. She needs help balancing the budget and all that stuff. She could handle it before but she took on more clients and, you know."

"Do you think she'd even hire me? I mean, I've never had a job. No experience." Just another reminder of how much she let him control her.

"She wouldn't mind. Let's face it, everyone kinda' hates numbers and you have a degree dealing with them. That gives you an edge in this town." Tina explained.

"What does Brittany do?"

"She has a dance studio here and occasionally choreographs videos and stuff. She's been traveling more recently since expanding. She was even flown to help choreograph some Broadway stuff earlier this year."

"Wow, that sounds great but I don't have any experience with accounting, let alone experience with a dance studio."

"As long as you can balance the books, I think you'll be fine. Are you busy now? I can take you there now, if you want." Tina offers.

"Sure. Sam isn't coming until after 12. What should I wear?" She asks as she stands up and heads for her closet.

"What you have on is fine, I'm sure. Brittany's usually drenched in sweat so she really isn't in a position to be demanding."

"Are you sure?" Santana ask.

"Of course, Gabriela."

Santana walked out with Tina out to her car. She could trust Tina. Most aggressors are males so statistically Tina wouldn't do anything to her. She still felt a bit uneasy but only because she was embarrassed. She just _knows _that Tina knows what she went through.

During the car ride over there, Tina asked her some more questions about herself but Santana changed topics as soon as she could. Before she knew it, they pulled up to a building with large tinted windows with a silhouette of a dancer doing an arabesque. The name across the top of the dancer was "Pierce Studios" in script.

"Come on, she usually has slow mornings. Don't be nervous, all right? I swear, everyone loves Brittany. She's super sweet. I've only seen her mad once and that was waaay back in high school, you'll be fine." Tina tried her best to comfort Santana.

"Why are you doing this?" Santana asked when they were about to walk in.

"What do you mean?" Tina furrowed her brows.

Santana wrapped an arm around herself. "You gave me muffins and you're helping me get a job. You don't know me. Why are you doing this?" She didn't want Tina to feel bad for her, that just made her feel even more like a victim.

"We don't get a lot of people here. Just trying to be friendly." Tina shrugged her shoulders. "Come on, in you go." She said as she held the door open for Santana. Santana didn't say anything but nodded and walked in.

The first thing she saw was the myriad of pictures and awards lining the walls. The majority of them were _First Place _awards but there were the occasional _Participation_ ones scattered in between. She looked through a few before her eyes landed on a small picture of a gorgeous blonde dressed like a ballerina. Santana couldn't take her eyes off her. The smile the woman had in the picture captivated her. She wanted to know more. She let out a sigh. She had no idea who this woman was. Even if she did, she couldn't let herself get too close. She knew it was a bit presumptuous but she really wanted to know what made the blonde smile like that.

She turned her head to the left to ask Tina about the woman when a voice coming from the right scared her.

"I was 19 in that picture. It was the closing act." A delicate voice proudly told her, slightly calming her nerves.

She quickly turned and was faced with the beautiful blonde from the picture. They locked eyes and as much as Santana wanted to keep looking into those baby blues, it was too much for her to handle and she looked away while taking a step back.

"Hi, I'm Brittany S. Pierce." Brittany introduced herself and held her hand out for Santana to shake.

Santana was hesitant to shake her hand but quickly did anyway. "Gabriela Hernandez."

"I know." Brittany chuckled and Santana couldn't help but smile. "You've been staring at the Kudos Wall for almost ten minutes. Tina took that opportunity to barge into my office to tell me that, and I quote," Santana laughed at the mock serious face Brittany made, " 'hot nerds do exist'."

She cleared her throat, "I guess Tina likes to exaggerate."

Brittany playfully ducked her head. "Actually, she was understating..." Santana instantly felt her cheeks heat up and looked down. "But anyway, my office is this way. Let's talk there." Brittany said as she placed a guiding hand on the small of Santana's back.

Santana felt the hand and jumped slightly, causing Brittany to immediately pull back her hand. "I'm sorry. Did I hurt you? Are you all right?" Brittany hurriedly asked worried that she had hurt her.

"No, it's fine." Santana couldn't bring herself to look at the blonde. "I'm sorry, maybe this was a mistake. Maybe I'm not ready yet." Santana said more to herself but still loud enough for Brittany to hear her.

"Ready for what, Gabriela? I'm sorry I hurt you. Please come with me. My office is this way and I promise to keep my hands to myself, okay?" Brittany asked.

"Okay."


	3. Chapter 3

Trigger warning for violence.

-x-

Santana sits down in one of the two chairs in front of Brittany's desk in her office. There's a name plate with Brittany's name and "Head Unicorn in Charge" written underneath it. Her lips curl into a smile. What she wasn't expecting was for Brittany to sit next to her instead of in front of her. She turns to face the dancer but quickly looks away before she gets too caught up by these baby blues.

The blonde sits back and places her hands on her lap. "I hope you don't mind. I don't sit behind the desk when there's someone else here. I feel like, I don't know, being there makes people think that I have some authority over them. Like getting sent to the principal's office. I hated being sent to the principal's office so I don't wanna make people feel weird about that. Especially some of the younger kids. I was super shy when I was younger except when I danced. When I danced, I felt like I had a purpose, you know? Anyway, some of my kids are like that too so when they wanna talk, I sit here. You know, no instructor, no student, no grown up, no kid; just equals." Brittany finishes and gives Santana a comforting smile.

Equals, Santana repeats in her head. She looks back at Brittany, despite knowing that she'll feel vulnerable. Not the same vulnerable she's always dealt with but an internal, an emotional vulnerability that no matter how hard Noah tried, he could never get her to be.

Equals, something she has never been. Her parents were always absolute, everything she did had to be perfect to gain their acceptance and validation. In school, she was always on top of the food chain. In the only relationship she's ever been in, she was never anywhere near the same status.

"Gabriela?" Brittany's voice pulls her back into the moment.

Santana clears her throat and slightly shakes her head before answering. "You're good at this. The kids must really like you." She tells Brittany.

The blonde gives her a smile. "Good because I really like them. But anyway, Rachel worked out a deal with the local schools so we'll get district funding to give lessons to any child that might want them. It's part of Rachel's initiative to use the arts to make the kids well–rounded. So, I have those kids coming and I usually get a couple requests to do choreography every once in a while leaving me no time to really get my budget and stuff in order. I hate the absolute certainty of numbers," the blonde scoffs with a smirk, "thus, that's where the 'hot nerd,' that is, you, come in. $575 a week for you to keep me out of the red and have lunch with me a couple of times a week. Oh, and you get your own shirt." Brittany points to the front of her shirt where her name is embroidered into it.

"575? That seems like too much. I... I– I'm not worth that. I think you can get someone with more experience, someone who knows what they're doing for that much." Santana stands up and mumbles an apology before making her way to leave.

"Wait! Gabriela, come back." Santana sees Brittany reach out to grab her wrist but stops midway before she actually does. But Santana stops anyway and wraps her arms around herself.

What is she doing here? She too broken to be around people like Sam and Tina, especially Brittany. She doesn't deserve to be here, she certainly doesn't deserve the 575 Brittany wants to give her. She's not worth that much. She never was. She can't do this.

"Okay, I get it. Too much, too soon. Sleep it over and then let me know." The dancer pauses and in a softer voice speaks. "But you're right, you know." Brittany takes a careful step forward.

Santana clears her throat. "Right about what?"

"That you're not worth it." The dancer responds and Santana can detect a hint of smugness in her voice.

Santana puts her head down. All these years she tried to tell herself that Noah was wrong. But Brittany just proved him right and her wrong.

The blonde leans down and finds Santana's eyes. Santana can't look away, she can't bring herself to tear her gaze away from those sapphire eyes that are searching for something in her eyes. "You're not worth my five hundred bucks, you're not worth anybody's five hundred bucks. You're worth so much more. I can see it in your eyes. I can see it when you blush. I can see it when your dimples show. You're worth everything. Don't let anyone tell you different. Especially yourself." Brittany's voices what Santana has craved to hear for so many years. It's entirely overwhelming. She got her physical freedom and she now feels so much closer to her personal freedom.

Santana lets out a breath she didn't even know she was holding. She is worth so much more. She has to believe it. That's why she left, right? Because she was worth not being in an abusive relationship?

"Okay, well, I'll get out of your way. Tina's in the front. I'll be expecting you tomorrow, Gabriela. I hope you like donuts." Brittany gives her another radiant smile and waves.

Santana just nods and finds Tina letting her know that it was okay for them to go. When Tina asks how it went, Santana says that she has to think it over. Tina didn't ask anything else the rest of the car ride.

When they get back, Santana thanks Tina for the muffins and promises to have her over for dinner some day.

Just a little while longer until Sam would be stopping by. She starts to consider what Brittany offered her. Logically, she knows she needs to accept any job offered to her but she's scared. She doesn't want to upset Brittany if she doesn't do well and since she has absolutely no experience, she's obviously going to fail.

Brittany.

The captivating dancer said all those nice things to her and it felt so good. Too good. Nothing that good has ever happened to her. It was a breath of fresh air.

She spends her time laying in bed, not really wanting to sit in patio furniture, going over everything in her head that she remembered about accounting. There really wasn't all that much. Before she knew it, Sam had knocked on the door.

She opens the door to reveal Sam wearing his work uniform.

"Hey, Sam. Come on in."

"I can't, Gabriela. I have to go back to work. One of the fry cooks called in. I'm sorry, but I don't work the day after tomorrow. Can I stop by then? I woulda' called you but you know, you lack a phone." He gives her a sad look and shrugs.

"Oh, no. don't worry. Stop by when you have time. Sorry that you have to pull a double today."

"Ugh, I know. But it shouldn't be a rough day. Oh, and here are some breadsticks. Bye!" Sam handed her the bag filled with breadsticks and ran off.

Okay, so she had no Sam but she had food. Not a bad trade. She sits at her kitchen counter and munches on her delicious carbs. She smiles when she thinks of it as a big 'fuck you' to Noah. She looks into her kitchen and notices how everything is perfectly aligned. Just how Noah preferred it. The toaster equally spaced away from the microwave and the blender. She walks over and pushes the toaster back ruining the symmetry. The towels hanging are all folded in thirds and the stripes are all lined. She pulls the middle one down and the last one up. She opens the cabinet doors, all the can in perfect rows and perfect columns. She knocks them all back.

By the time she finishes, her kitchen is just another 'fuck you' to Noah.

"Fuck you, Noah." She says out loud. She is alone but still, it felt great to say.

With a smile on her face, she put the rest of her breadsticks away and heads to the living room. She'd have to make due without Sam's height. She doesn't have anything sturdy to stand on so she just decides to paint as far up as she could now and let Sam do the difference later. She wasn't really in a rush to finish painting but it gave her something to do.

Something to do. Right. Job offer. It was really simple: she doesn't have the experience. Someone else with more experience, knowledge, and capability would be better suited for the job.

She makes up her mind but it doesn't help the feeling at the pit of her stomach. Within a couple of hours, she had done all she physically could. What she wouldn't give for a few more inches. She puts everything away and cleans up, before she showers. She instantly regrets bathing with such hot water the second she steps under the water.

"Fuck!" She mumbles in pain as the hot water stings all her residual wounds. "They'll heal, they'll heal, they'll go away soon."

She adjusts the temperature of the water so it doesn't sting as much and finishes showering. She is beyond exhausted and knocks out the second she gets into bed.

"_Santana!" She heard slurred from downstairs. Fuck he's home too early. He's going to see her bag. Fuck. _

"_Santana!" He called out again. He's drunk, she can hear his clumsy footsteps. Hopefully he'll be too drunk for sex." Here's to hoping for small miracles._

_He'll pass out and you'll leave. He'll pass out and you'll leave. He'll pass out and you'll leave._

_Her hands were shaking, she noticed. Then she noticed her entire body was shaking. She wants to throw up. Where is he? What is he doing? Fuck. _

"_Santana!" Her eyes flew to the door, where he was holding himself up against the door frame. His suits a mess and she can smell the liquor from where she is. "Take off your clothes. Bed now, you slut." he demands as she loosens his belt._

_She nods and starts taking off her shirt. He steps towards her and backhands her, she falls and catches the end of the table on her temple. _

"_Hurry the fuck up!" He barks over her._

_He'll pass out and you'll leave. He'll pass out and you'll leave. He'll pass out and you'll leave._

_She couldn't stall anymore. She took off the rest of her clothes, quickly wiping her face of the blood dripping from her head and laid face down on the bed._

_He'll pass out and you'll leave. He'll pass out and you'll leave. He'll pass out and you'll leave._

_She heard his zipper, she felt the bed dip under his weight, she felt his hands grope her cheeks, she felt her tears trail down her face, she felt his penis, and then she felt his weight fall on top of her._

_He passed out, I can leave. He passed out, I can leave. He passed out, I can leave._

_She carefully shifts from underneath him, she desperately wants to rid her body of him but knows she shouldn't waste anytime. _

_She finishes gathering everything she needs. The last thing she needs to do is make sure he won't look for her. _

_She grabs the note she wrote him and leaves it by his hand. _

_I'm leaving, I'm leaving, I'm leaving._

Santana wakes up out of breath and drenched in sweat.

"Fuck you, Noah." she chuckles and gets up to shower again. This time she remembers to check the water temperature.

When she's eating her toast and jam, she notices that it's three in the afternoon. Fuck. Breakfast with Brittany. Well, she wasn't accepting the job so she didn't have to go. If that's true, why does she feel guilty?

She finishes her breakfast and lays in bed with a book she picked up in the store. She hears knocking. She puts down her book and walks towards the door, stretching along the way. She glances at the microwave, seven o'clock. Fuck. She spent four hours reading that damn book. Well, it's not like she has to do anything.

She stands on her tippy toes to look out the peephole.

Brittany. With that smile on her face, of course.

She takes a deep breath and unlocks all the deadbolts.

"Hey, there. You stood me up this morning." the tall blonde says with a playful tone and Santana bows her head. "I figured you would then maybe show up at brunch. Then lunch. But nope. So I took matters in my own hands. I brought _you_ dinner." Brittany holds up the bags of take-out in her hands

Brittany brought her dinner, a lot of dinner by the looks of it, and she stood her up. Great.

"So, can I come in?" Brittany asks as she smiles expectantly at her.

"Oh, of course." Santana says as she pulls the door back, letting Brittany through. "Sorry, the apartment isn't put together. You know, I just moved in." She notices Brittany looking around as she sets the food on the kitchen counter, with a smirk on her face. This is different. Different from yesterday. She's not as nervous or intimidated with her. This is a huge change.

"I like how you left the top of the walls the original color. Looks pretty." Brittany says, her voice very much teasing.

Santana blushes and looks away, reaching for plates in the cabinets. "Well, Sam was supposed to help me but he had to work so." She rests the plates in front of the bar stools, and grabs some forks, and napkins. She's suddenly very aware of how _not_ awkward she's being. Different.

"Sam? Sam Evans?" Brittany asks, excitedly taking off the lids to the plethora of food she brought. Kind of like how someone opens a gift. Cute.

"Yup. He lives in the same building." Santana also quickly grabs some bottles of water and eyes all the food the dancer brought. "Why so much food?" She asks with a confused frown on her face as she sits next to Brittany.

"I didn't know what you'd like or what you'd be in the mood for so, you know, better safe than sorry." Brittany shrugged as she pushed over a container of pasta toward her. "And, I know Sam lives here, silly. He's, like, my best guy friend. We actually dated a little in high school but thankfully, that didn't work out. I kinda' got tired of people asking me if he was my brother." Brittany scrunched her face in disgust making Santana laugh out loud. Different. "You should laugh more often, it's really nice."

Santana's face heated up.

"Thanks." She says before she takes a bite of pasta. She watches Brittany eat as discreetly as she can. She likes how Brittany purses her lips during the first few bites and how she kinda sticks her tongue out a little when she's about to put a forkful of food in her mouth; it's really cute.

"You're staring." Brittany smirks at her, yet again. Santana looks away but can't help but smile a little. "So, where did you move here from?"

"West coast."

"Whoa, huge move. What did you do back there? Accounting?"

"Uh, no. I, uh, I was a housewife." Santana notices that Brittany furrows her brow a bit but shrugs it off.

"Is your husband coming to join you soon?" Brittany wipes her mouth with a napkin and opens the bottle of water Santana had set out for her.

"No. Ex-husband." Santana answers quickly, trying to calm the feeling in the pit of her stomach at the thought of him finding her. She takes a breath and switches the attention to Brittany. "What about you? Shall I be expecting a jealous husband to be interrogating me?" She tries to joke, changing the mood back to what it was before he was brought up.

"No. No one." Santana can't read the expression on Brittany's face. Regretful? Relieved?

"What? Why not? You're gorgeous?" the brunette blurts out and only realizes what she said when she sees Brittany's face turn a little pink before she looks away.

"Well, I could say the same for you, Gabriela." Brittany sincerely tells her. "But, to answer your question, I've been told, several times actually, that I work too much."

"That's silly, you have to make a living somehow and it's extremely obvious that you love it. I'm sure you'll meet someone who will understand." Santana says as she bows her head and takes a sip of her water.

"Yeah, you're right. So, what do you get up to in your free time?"

"I didn't really have a lot of it but I like to cook. And I wasn't allowed to do much so I used to watch the cooking channels often. I think I'm pretty good at it. Next time, instead of you bringing a restaurant over, I'll cook for you. Just let me know when. Oh, and you totally have to tell me where the supermarket is." Santana smiled, excited at the prospect of cooking for Brittany. She liked cooking and so far, perhaps against her better judgment, she liked Brittany. Maybe that's what is different? She knows she's crushing on Brittany?

Brittany's face turned into a confused frown, as she tilted her head a little. "You weren't allowed?"

"What?" Santana smile turns into a confused one.

"You said you weren't allowed to do much."

"I, I- uh, sorry, I misspoke. I wasn't 'allotted' much time." Santana nervously corrected. "What about you? What do you like to do?"

The blonde was wary of her answer but seemingly accepted it. "I dance, like, we go into the city to dance. We have a few dance nights here but don't tell anyone I said this," Brittany leans forward as if she were about to tell Santana a secret, "but they just cannot keep up with me." Santana giggles as Brittany exasperated whisper.

"Really?" the brunette plays along.

"Yeah, we should go when you're settled in. And when Sam or Finn don't work. They always watch out after us, make sure nothing happens to us. And they hook up because we're the best wing-women ever. You'll see."

Brittany asked her to go dancing. Well, in a group setting but still. She trusts Sam and Brittany trusts this Finn so maybe it'll be okay. Maybe she really could get on with her life. She hadn't thought out this much. She just needed to escape but didn't think beyond that. Didn't want to get her hopes up.

"Yeah, that sounds like fun. But, let me get used to this, you know. Like, I know you saw how I flinched yesterday when you touched me. Let me stop doing that." Santana hesitatingly said, feeling a little ashamed.

"I don't know what happened but if you ever need someone to listen, you have me and you have Sam. No judgments, nothing. You know where my studio is and I live in the next building over, in apartment 8. No matter what, I'll listen." Brittany gave her a comforting smile. Santana nodded, not knowing what else to do or say. It was just one of those things that made her feel normal, like an actual person. Different. Like she was moving on.

Brittany realizes Santana won't say anything, "Well, I can smell the fresh paint, do you want me to finish the top of your walls for you or are you trying to be fashion forward?"

"No, no, you don't have to. I wouldn't put you to work like that."

"No, it's not a problem. Consider it a trade: you offered to cook for me and I offered to paint for you. Although, I'm sure you got the short end of the stick because you clearly see how much I eat." the blonde sets down her fork and rubs her belly.

"I'm not sure how you manage to eat all that." She shakes her head as she laughs.

Brittany ducks her head and laughs with her, "Hey, cut me some slack. I dance around eight hours everyday, like six days of the week. I need to properly fuel my body so it can withstand all that moving around. You know what it's like, I know you work out." The blonde says knowingly.

"Not anymore, I don't." Santana proudly smiles and she reaches out for her water.

"There's no way you could have a stomach like that and not work out. I'd be so jealous if you were naturally packing those." The dancer says as she gestures to Santana's stomach.

Santana looks down to what she's wearing, sweats and a cutoff showing her midriff. She almost drops her bottle and rushes to her room to change into an appropriate shirt. A shirt that'll cover her body and its scars. Fuck, things were going so well, even after the 'allowed' thing. She rests her head on the door and hopes Brittany didn't see anything more than her muscles; she really isn't in the mood to make up a story about the scars Noah's cleats left on her.

She walks back out to the kitchen and sees the dancer looking down at the counter with her hands folded in her lap.

"I'll throw in a beer, in addition to your feast, in exchange for your manual labor." Santana's voice shakes a little as speaks.

"Gabriela! I'm sorry. I don't know why I said that. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. I'm not trying to perv on you. That's not how I meant it. I swear." Brittany apologizes and Santana feels guilty about making the blonde think it's her fault.

"It's not your fault. You're fine. I'm just... I'm just antsy sometimes, ok? _I'm _sorry for freaking you out. It's one of those things I have to fix, you know."

"No, you shouldn't have to apologize. I obviously keep saying and doing and asking things that make you uncomfortable." Brittany gets up grabs her things, confusing Santana. "Maybe you should wait for Sam to help you out and about the job, don't worry about it. I'll find someone. I'm sorry, Gabriela. I'll see you around." Brittany nods and heads towards the door.

Santana hurries and grabs her wrist, stopping her. "Don't. Don't go." She whispers and Brittany turns around. "I swear it's not you, okay? It's me, I... I, it's not you." Santana's eyes flicker down to her hand, holding Brittany's wrist. She takes a risk and trails her hand down to meet Brittany's. She clears her throat, "I'd really like for you to help me. I mean, I'm not sure if I could handle another Na'vi lesson. He wrote down a Learn Na'vi website. It's on my fridge. I don't even have a computer."

"Are you sure?" Brittany asks as her eyes are focused on Santana's fingers threaded through hers. "I'll leave. I wouldn't be offended or anything." Santana knows Brittany would leave if she asked her to but, after everything she's been through, she's entitled to want Brittany to stay.

"I'm sure. C'mon, I'll finish putting the food away while you set up the paint stuff and tarp." Santana pulls the taller woman and reluctantly drops her hand. Her hearts is racing a mile a minute, she has no idea what made her hold Brittany's hand but she loved it. She loved the softness, the warmth, the comfort.

Santana puts everything away though, she's sure by the time Brittany finishes, she'll be ready for more food, and then heads out to the living room after grabbing the beer she offered Brittany. She sees Brittany wearing a tight tank top, she most likely took off her shirt to not get paint on it. The tank top perfectly shows her muscles flexing. Noah had muscles too, she'd feel them as he would lay on top of her, she'd feel them as she would try to push him off. Brittany's muscles were nothing like his, which made her appreciate them even more.

Fuck, what is she doing? She can't look at Brittany that way. Especially not when Brittany's been so nice to her and apologized for something that wasn't her fault. Even if she could look at Brittany like that, she shouldn't. She's too damaged.

"Hey, hope you like Sam Adams." Santana set the bottle on the plastic covered table a couple of feet behind Brittany.

"Yeah, it's one of my favs. Thanks." Brittany set down the roller and sat next to Santana. "Thank you for letting me stay."

"Thank you for painting." Santana sips her own beer and keeps smiling at Brittany. She's not sure she's ever smiled this much before.

"No problem. Is it just here or in the rooms too?" the blonde looks towards the hallway where the bedroom and bathroom are.

"I haven't started my room. I didn't want to have all that stuff in my room for too long, so I figured I should wait for Sam so we could do it all at once."

Brittany's smile grows, "We could do that now, if you want. It's not much out here. I'll take high and you take low?" Santana is surprised by Brittany's enthusiasm but she welcomes them entirely.

They settled it. As Brittany finishes the hallways and living room, Santana sets up the plastic covering in her room. The tall blonde finished in no time and moved to Santana's bedroom.

"Keep up, shorty." Brittany throws her over shoulder as she starts painting the back wall of Santana's room.

"Don't worry, I will." the brunette quips back.

They finish in record time, in silence. Santana prefers it that way. Although she's really likes how she's opening up to Brittany, she doesn't like the pressure of knowing that she might give away too much about herself again. She didn't care though, it was nice being around another person. It was especially nice being around Brittany. They move back to the kitchen counter for another beer for both of them and more food for Brittany.

"Well, that was fun." Brittany laughs as she takes a sip from her beer and takes a forkful of rice and beans. And of course, she stuck her tongue out just a bit.

"Yeah, I'm starting to think everything is more fun with you." Santana agrees as she moves some of her bangs out of her face trying to cool down.

"Shit!" She hears Brittany's fork drop clatter against the plate. She's startled and looks around to see what's happening. She turns back to Brittany frustratingly pull her hand back mid-air. "Are you okay? What happened? When did this happen? It looks like it happened yesterday."

Santana immediately pushes back her hair so it's covering the healing gash. "It's nothing. I just fell." She says harshly.

The blonde gets closer, ignoring Santana's tone. "Can I see it, please?" She gets off her bar stool and stands closer to Santana. "Please?" Brittany pleads.

"Brittany, it's fine. It doesn't hurt. Do you want water or juice?" Santana stands up and heads to the fridge.

"No. I don't want anything. Just let me put a band-aid on it? It's recent, I can tell that much."

"I said it's fine! Please drop it, Britt." The brunette shouts in desperation. She doesn't want to have to lie to Brittany. Not again.

Brittany looks away because of Santana's shouting and Santana feels a pang of guilt. "Okay." She sits back down and waits for Brittany.

"Can I touch you?" The blonde asks in a whisper. Santana gives her a slight nod. She feels hands brush away hair. "I'll be right back." Brittany walks and comes back with a little white box and holds it up. "First aid." She puts some hand sanitizer on and rips open an alcohol pad. "It won't sting." Her proximity is making Santana light-headed. She's never felt this way before. She doesn't even feel the burn of the alcohol wipe. She feels a stream of air hit her temple and her eyes flutter as they close. "There. Almost done." She feels Brittany dabs a little of something on her. She only opens her eyes after she feels Brittany places a kiss on her, the warmth of her body so close, sends shivers down her spine. "There. A kiss a day will keep the cooties away."

Brittany pulls back a bit and she feels the air shift. The blonde's smile slowly fades. Santana feels herself leaning in, being pulled in. Her eyes focused on Brittany's pink lips. None of them are breathing. Closer and closer, until Brittany clears her throat and looks away. "There. It's scabbing nicely and there's no infection. You'll be fine." Brittany says with an almost shaky voice.

Santana knows there's no infection, she's had enough infections to spot them. She's knows it's scabbing nicely and she knows she'll be fine. All she can think of is how Brittany pulled away.

"It's getting late, I'll have to get going." Brittany states as she puts on her shirts and bag over her shoulder.

"Uh, okay. Thanks for the food. And the help."

"No problem. Good night." The dancers usual confidence isn't there. Santana is saddened knowing that she's the cause of that. She puts everything away again and gets ready for bed. She hopes the window being open and having the fans on, made the paint dry.

As if on auto pilot, she showers, careful to not wet her bandage and lays in bed. She doesn't know why she leaned in. Well, she knows why but doesn't know _why. _She got too ahead of herself. She goes years devoid of any semblance of affection and when she gets a modicum of kindness from Brittany, she tries to throw herself at her.

Brittany pulled away but could she really have expected anything else?

A beautiful, kind, funny, straight woman has no business with someone like her.

And she hasn't forgotten the bullshit she's put Brittany through; the 'get the hell away, come here' she's been playing can't be a walk in the park. The way Brittany apologized made her feel like an asshole.

She knows these people aren't Noah; she knows she shouldn't be afraid of them. She wants to not be afraid, she doesn't want to be on edge, every second of every day. When she held Brittany's hand, it felt so good. Her heart was coming out of her chest but, in a way, she felt human again. Holding her hand was so intimate for her. She doesn't know what drove her to do it but she doesn't regret it. Not for a second.

Then, when Brittany kissed her bandaged – covered cut, she couldn't breathe, her head was spinning, her stomach was a mess. Things she's never felt before, it was amazing. Incredibly scary but incredibly amazing.

Even before the kiss. The attention and care Brittany was giving her made her feel special. The last time anyone has ever did anything like that for her was just before her parents got rid of her nanny when she was twelve.

She'll have to go to the studio and apologize to Brittany. And maybe accept that job offer.


End file.
